uncertainty clouding errthang.

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it was always yours."
MY STOMACH IS HURTING SICKLIKE. dang. its 11:11 btw baby. tomorrow is rowland. biggest meet of the year. i think i mite shit myself tomorrow. holy crap man. ive never been this nervous for a meet. maybe cuz its my last league meet of high school and the championship is riding on this meet. hot damn. today was a very good day. first period, i knocked out like usual. cuz ms dorn is tight like that and doesnt care if i sleep cuz im a SENI09R. cant wait to get outta high school and FINALLY find someone whos as down as me, but not too down. missouri rave sceneee. here i come. hopefully i meet some people who arent church washed. anyways. 2nd period, i took the easiest test in the whole wide world. a hunnit percent. ohfasho. 3rd period was down cuz all we did was TALK TALK TALK. and justin talked about his damned drugs. fucking drugs. everyone does it now just to be cool. not cuz its fun. all they talk about is OMG I DITCHED PRACTICE TO BLAZE YEAHHHHHHHHHH IT WAS TIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. FUCK YOU. you're so pathetic. its fine to talk about it once. but STOP TALKING ABOUT IT IF THATS ALL YOU HAVE TO TALK ABOUT. WE DONT WANNA HEAR IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN. good lord. anyways. 4th period, i mingled with the juniors who wanted to hear my story. about my girly i mean. its a good story! you should hear it. :) 5th period was tight as usual. we took pictures the wholeeeeeee time cuz our teacher wanted to. i love you ms chai! but then i had detention after practice. but it wasnt that bad because i met christian up RIGHT after i got out. we went to his house. and the incident happened. im not gonna say exactlyyy what happened. but. long story short..monster shit = toilet overflow. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. i love you christian. <3 no homo. MY QUIZZES ARE TIGHT DISHANI. FUCK YOU. :) ian made a podcast. and its DOPE BOY FRESH. no joke. go download it off itunes. dj hatch. IN THE MIX! hahhaa. we got back together. cuz we cant let go. or at least i cant. >_> we'll see what happens. im not gonna see her for like 83258325 more years..cuz no one is nice enough to give me a ride. :( but i wont give up hope. ahahha. cuz im an optimist. usually. >_> and sometimes i wonder why i did this. i hope it works out but..
anyways..ROWLAND TOMORRROW. AHHHH FUCK MEEEEEE. come support if your downer than me!
peace out girl scout.
i..love you. babe.

unprepared.

"I can't stay," I say.
"You're a lie," she says.
To your eyes and on your skin I reached your mind," she says.
"Prove me wrong," she says.
"I've been around," she says.
"And all the way with my eyes closed," she says.
"Sit right there," she says.
"Look at me," she says.
"I know a way to make you feel a star," she says.
"Oh my god," I say.
"Oh my god," I say.
"If it's a dream why can't I scream to wake me up?" I say.
I've been around for many days.
I've seen the cities and the planes.
I've watched the ball that comes and goes.
But STILL.
I'm unprepared for you.

movin on up.

yessir. today was DOWN. not as good as my birthday party tho. but, this was the 2nd best brown party ever. ahaha. its a great party when everywhere you look, people are wasted and give you a hug even if you just say hi. and its an even better party when you're sober to enjoy all these other wasted people. hehe. today was sri lankan new years at mahela's house. 80 people in one house dude! insane! it was tight. well. the first part of the day was kinda hectic. speeches were done. anthems were sung. all the important stuff had to be gotten outta the way first. cuz the parents want the kids to be "informed about their heritage." which is understandable i guess. but after that, we played all these games. like..eat the hanging donut off the rope without using your hands. and. blow the flour off the plate and retrieve the penny without using your hands. all these games, no hands. cuz sri lankans never use their hands. except when they eat. i dont even know what i mean by that. umm..it was pretty fun. the whole corona crew was there. i talked to frank. like..really deep shit. and he opened my fucking eyes. ahhaha. i love you man. homo. syke. :) only if you want it tho. XD so everybody danced and drank and danced and drank and drank and drank and danced. pretty much a typical sri lankan party. but with 10 times the beer/liquor. ahaha. i didnt have any tho. its all good. i dont like it anyways. but..wasted people are SO fun when you dance with them. and talk with them. ahaha. man. this was such a good day! i needed this. i shuffled too! cuz demitri played sandstorm and day n nite. so i was like "YEAH IM A HARDCORE RAVER." not. i just shuffled. and everyone was like teach meeee. i was like yeahhhhhno. i only taught demitri. :) cuz hes going to monster massive on october 21st. hes already planning too haha. but it was a really great nite. i was sad when it ended. i got home, and went on myspace, and got even more sad. i think she knows why. im gonna kill my myspace. i only made it for her anyways. i dno. we'll see. beach maybe tomorrow! hopefully. if nerusha and the twins and suni and frank and mahela dont flop. which will prolly happen. but ima get my hopes up anyways! cuz its what i do. for reals tho. i gotta stop going on myspace. or on hers actually. its killing me - dj toxic. download that song. well im out for now. ill hit this back up later. :)
peace out girl scout.

the spaceman says everybody look down. its all in your mind.

today was a FREAKING chill day. 1st period was kinda lamesauce tho. i got a saturday school. but only cuz i cant have detention on the weekdays cuz of practice. so now i have saturday school. lamesauce. for being tardy too. wtf? and i had to take a test on permutations, combinations, and probability. yeah. it was a horrible morning. BUT. 2nd period was tight cuz all we did was work on that president shit and talk. ahahaha. i never knew aaron was that funny. lunch was funny. "lisa. you have ice cream on your lips. lick them. i can if you want me to tho." ahahahaha. i know she wants it. XD still on the hunt for a prom date. since the one that woulda been PERFECT got asked by some other guy. lameeee. anyways..i got outta third period early today cuz of the track meet. me and justin got out at 1:10. and then, when we were in the locker room, the principal or whoever announces over the pa system to let the track kids out at 1:20. so me and justin are screwed tomorrow ahahaha. its all good tho. we had a shuffling session. btw. justin sucks at shuffling. dont ever shuffle with him. :( hm..track meet was freakin FUN. i could have got second. christian owned up like he normally does, and i coulda caught the second place guy, but since my shoe was untied from the beginning of the race, they started slipping off when i started to sprint. so i couldnt sprint as fast as i should have, and i got third. that was really lame. but the 800, i made sure that my shoes were good. ian took first, i got second. like usual. :) dynamic duo! ahaha. hung out after with britney, jasmine, justin, fabian, josh, and christian. that was the funniest conversation of the week. gj guys. :) well. its halftime for the lakers. theyre down by 4. but thats cuz kobe only has like 5 points. i think..anyways. i know he'll turn it on in the second half. cuz he is god. i am not joking. he is god in disguise. tomorrow is gonna be lamesauce, cuz im so excited for saturday. ahaha. sri lankan new year in corona is freakin fun. trust me. even tho theres brown people there, its still fun. hopefully they play some technoooooo. athma thinks he can shuffle and i wanna battle him. XD i hate going on myspace now. cuz i always have some kind of hate from a certain someone. i didnt even do anything wrong. anyways. im not gonna start with that. oh btw. shiyana. i am NOT thick skulled. just easily influenced. no joke. alrite guys, im out. thanks for reading this shit. ahaha. =]
peace out girl scout.

over.

So my parents know I have this blog. Hi ammi and thathi. You guys SUCK. Seriously. No joke. Um..damn. sorry I haven’t updated this thing in like 9 years. Things have been hectic lately. My mom got CRAZY pissed at me that I was on aim at midnight. So my dad actually took away the WHOLE computer. Ahahaha. And now its back. Guess whos back..ahaha I love eminem. Have you ever heard “we made you?” GO download it. Good shit. Um..tomorrow. track meet at bonita. Im nervous cuzz Monday..i prolly shouldn’t have done what I did. But. Its all good. I paid for it Tuesday. The weather was wayyyyy too hot that day. And we ran mile repeats. Great. Purple haze all in my lungs too. Hm..i was PLANNING on asking jasmine to prom but no. shes goin with josh. Its okay. Shes way closer friends with him anyways. And I think he likes her..so. now I have to go a huntin again. Grrrrrreat. Girls at walnut suck dude. Which is why I picked one outside of it. But that crashed and burned 2 days ago. I don’t even know if im gonna go on aim tonite. Im not even worthy of her perfectness rite? Whatever. She can do what she wants to do. Im not gonna be with a druggie. I told her that I while ago and she didn’t believe me. Now what. And I wish her good luck too. With whatever she does. And btw. How are you gonna refuse a ride to see me if you haven’t seen me in 2 months? I don’t care how mad you are. Wtf? Maybe if you saw me, we could resolve it. But youre too selfish to think about that. Ok. Im done ranting about you. I shouldn’t even be talking about you rite? Im not worthy. Sorry. 27 more days of high school! Can you believe it? This year went by SO fast. I can still remember my second day of freshman year. Mr peralta told us that high school is gonna go by in the blink of an eye. And I still remember Hiatt blinking his eyes and saying “oh. No. didn’t work. Lemme try again.” Dang. He was right, Hiatt. So im off to Missouri in a few months. So that means, I have to be outta my house during summer pretty much the whole time. Hangin out with my friends. Ima miss them so much. I think I mite cry cuz that’s how sensitive and pussy I am. Christian said that he wanted to go on the plane with me to Missouri and drop me off. Christian, you will always be my dogg. I fucking love you so much. Thanks for the greatest 4 years ever ahahaha. And I will miss you. No homo. You’re a great friend. Thanks for everything bro. anyways. Im talking like this year is officially over. It pretty much is, but not yet. We still have prom and grad night! Yeeeeeee. Cant wait for grad nite. ;) anyways. Dishani. You may never talk to me again. And um. I know you wont unless I say sorry. (I still don’t see why I should be.) but I just wanted to say. That im sorry for fucking up your whole life, and not caring one bit about what I did and how much you sacrificed. I realize that you really do (did?) love me. And im grateful for that. And I didn’t want it to end up like this, but I guess that’s how god wanted it rite? Rite. So..until I talk to you or see you again..goodbye. I love you. Still. I don’t think ill ever stop but..yeah. good luck in sri lanka. I hope you get there safe, have a great time, and come back safe. Good luck in everything you do. You truly are a great person with great things ahead of you. You just don’t see it yet. But you will.
Track meet at bonita tomorrow! Come support! If you can. 
Peace out girl scout.

ohhhh darlin i was bliiind to let you go.

that song is so good. ahaha. dameee. lakers killed it today! fuck the jazz. and matt harpring and is overagressiveness. this isnt football. ahaha. im sure the lakers will take care of those mormons really easily. cant stop em! :) i woke up at 1230 so i missed the 1st quarter of the game. ridiculous! :( last nite was a really fucking stupid night. actually. the whole day sucked. marie fucking flopped on me when i had the money for the ticket and everything. and then. justin came to my house rite? cuz he wanted to hang out. and he was like dude. your not allowed to go anywhere so i came to your house to hang out. he drove from walnut all the way to my house to hang out. and my fucking parents didnt let me hang out with him. WHAT THE FUCK. when i have friends that drive ALL the way to chino hills, youre supposed to let me hang out with them. damn..my parents are so fucking retarted. and they expect me to love them? HUH?? they dont let me do shit! and then. dishani's ride was being all anal and didnt wanna come pick me up. i guess its alrite. im kinda jealous of him tho. >_> today is sunday. now that the laker game is over, its not like i have anything to do. other than homework. fuck that. im not doing homework for the rest of this year ahaha. ive already been accepted into that gay bible college. whats the point? its not like i even need these classes to graduate. the only ones i need to graduate are civics and english. i have b's in those. its not like i need to do shit in my other classes. hm..tomorrow is another day of school. and then LATE START. until 10. ima talk to fabian and david. ;) hopefully we can. i really really need a ride to claremont guys. cmon. seriously. just take me. be a friend. ill blow you. not really but..seriously. do it for meee and ill be eternally grateful. :) hopefully next friday works out. rite dishani? not. anyways..im out. ill tty tomorrow.
peace out girl scout.
i love you babe.

sugar were goin down swingin.

yeah we are going down. no lie. and im not sure how to stop it.
its saturday. 4/18. not 4/20. but still. 4/20 fest is tonite. i got up at 12. called marie. and she tells me shes not going anymore. apparently, the person who was supposed to take her got a speeding ticket. and he told his mom. and his mom was like ok w.e. but then, he told his mom that he was going to 420 fest. and his mom was like 420? isnt that the weed day? and he was like yeah. and so his mom isnt letting him go to 420 fest cuz she doesnt want him inhaling smoke. so um. yeah. my life is being fucked by god. hes a real dick sometimes. he needs to stop playing with my shit. find someone else. anyways..i really need a fone. like really badly. aim just aint doin it. neither is myspace. my dad ACTUALLY keeps the fone with him when im at home. wtf. what parent does that. other than the crazy, maniacal, overprotective asshole parents. anyways..i have to go to church at 6. fuck christianity. theyre whole fucking religion is based on "faith that there is a one, true god." well im sorry if thats all you need to think that something created us. your whole religion is based on a belief. i need something more than that like. i dont know..fact. why the fuck cant the high and mighty god come down and show the whole world that hes real. why does religion have to be religion. why cant it be a known fact that god created everything. and what the hell is he waiting for to "come back." why doesnt he come back now and take all his precious "believers" to heaven and condemn the rest of us to hell. what the FUCK is he waiting for. tell him if he wants to find me. im waiting at my house. tell him. all you christians. "pray" to him and tell him to find me. so that i may see the light or whatever. anyways. i dno whats gonna end up happening tonite. we shall see..hopefully she can convince her ex to come get me. im HOPING he does. pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease. i need him to. and i also need 30 bucks ahahaha. anyways..ill let you know what happens tonite.
peace out girl scout.
i love you babe.

she be doubtin me.

what it do baby boo. im at dinesh's house on this shit. athma, frank, eranga, and dinesh are all glued to the screen playing halo. so lame. the only videogame worth playing is guitar hero/rock band. seriously. speaking of music games..sri lankan people have THEEE worst music taste. they like jerking. what kinda bullshit is that. jerking aint got nothing on the way we dance to baila. am i rite or what. i think that electronic will take over soon. hm..today was a pretty good day. if not for first period. i got a detention cuz i was late. ahaha. i was cold rite? in the morning. before 1st period. dont ask why i was. i just was. so i had to get my sweater, which i left in my locker. and the locker room wasnt open. so i had to wait till first period started for it to open. so i was 10 minutes late to first period cuz i was freezing for some reason. im kinda sick btw. so i was late. and my teacher gave me a detention. after that, it was smooth sailing. we had a sub for second period and all we talked about was what our best and worst moments of the week were. it was interesting. :) third period, she gave us the whole entire class period to do a worksheet that took like 2 minutes. so it was tight. justin wouldnt shut up about the drugs tho. shut the fuck up justin! fuck! 4th period, i chilled in mr y's classroom cuz im a ta. and i just listened to my ipod on a beanbag chair thing. it was relaxing. no homo. 5th period. we went to this improv show. it was freakin funnyyyy. ahaha. who knew little asian girls from walnut could be that funny? anyways...we didnt do shit for practice. just little relays that varsity won. ahaha. ill be back on later to update you for the rest of the day. i have to go. hehe.
peace out girl scout.
i love you babe.

Possibilities.

WOW. i am so freakin tired! track meet against south hills. walnut won of course. duh. south hills is for LOSERS! ;) it was pretty intense. i was freakin NOT feeling good. my shoulder hurt like a bitch, my heart hurt like a bitch (no lie.), and i had THEEE biggest headache ever. so i ended up 3rd in my race. GAY. but as long as walnut wins. its all good. i thot i had my ipod stolen, but it ended up being in my bag. ahaha. OH AND GUESS WHAT THE FUCK CHRISTIAN DID. okay. so i was at the starting line, and i realized i had my kandies on. so i was like oh shit! cuz your not allowed to wear jewelry rite? so i was like christian! and he came up to me and i gave them to him before my race. so i come up to him after the race rite? and he had been warming up this whole time. he looks at me, and only gives me dishani's kandy. im like..wheres the lankan one? hes like. i was warming up, and it fell outta my pocket, and its somewhere on the field. WHAT THE FUCK. FUCKING CHRISTIAN. stupid mexican. its ok tho. justins sposed to bring me string tomorrow then ima hit up ians house and make another one that looks exactly like my "lankan" kandy. and another one too. but that ones a surprise that youuu cant know about. anywho. i think that im catching bronchitis again. like last year. it was fucking windy today again. my lips are chapped. ahahaha. chapstikk! i need it. my legs are aching now. ouch. i STILL need plugs. fucking justin wont come throughhhh!!!! ahhhhh. i need them asappp!! i got an email from the college in missouri. that im sposed to be shipped off too. turns out im a "well suited applicant for our college." fuck them. theyre just doing the christian thing and accepting me. st louis rave scene. here i come. my parents drug tested me today. it turned up negative again and my mom got mad at me again telling me how she spent 27 bucks on the test. i told her to shove it up her ass next time cuz its such a waste. and now she wont talk to me. ahahhaa. if she still thinks im doing drugs, she must be crazy. im not stupid. im not gonna do it until like summer. duh. i have track to worry about. tomorrow is that stupid corona new years practice thingy. athma wants to do something stupid. like drink. and i dont wanna. ummmmm...i desperately need a fone. i dno if i can persuade my dad to reconnect my cell fone tho..oh well. ill try. so i realized that i can think of 5 things at once and focus on all 5 of them at once. POR EJEMPLO. today in science. i was drumming on the table. with my foot stomping on the ground and both hands going. like a drum set. i was thinking about my ex-wife. i was thinking about my work, and if i should do it or not. i was listening to justin rant about drugs. AND. i noticed my teacher walking around the room. crazyyy huh? hehe. anywhoooo..i think im out. i have nothing else to say except..29 more days of school! and were outta here. its kinda bittersweet. but dont worry walnut. ill myspace you everyday when im in missouri having fun with church people. :'(
peace out girl scout.
i love you babe.

Stop Raving It. I Hate That You Go Without Me.

Hey whats up. So I don’t have a computer anymore. But my parents left their computer on. So its all good. Anyways..my stomach is hurting like a bitch! I don’t know if its tomorrows track meet or something else. Ahem. You know who you are. Uh..so im in desperate need of a ride to Claremont after 11. anyone interested? If you are, hit me up on my myspace yeah? Thanks. today was fucking retarted. I spent 4 hours at my moms fucking preschool with NOTHING to do. I pretty much sat in the car and listened to music for 4 hours. My ears are ringing like crazyyy!! I cant get them to stop. Ahaha. Im tryna go to the beach this Saturday with justin and jasmine and people, but. Im not sure. I think I can pull it off. Hopefully. This blog shit is tight. Ahaha. You should make one! Do it! My friends talked about drugs at lunch today. AGAIN. I did too, but that’s cuz they asked me. grad night is goin dowwwwwwn..im freakin excited. its only 29 days away! I would tell you my plan..but I cant. Its too intense for you. Ahaha. Anyways. That’s all I got for today. Tomorrow..track meet. Against SOUTH HILLS. *cough* I wish you could come. And if you go to walnut, come and support. Watch us own. We always do. Anywayss..
Peace out girl scout.
And I love you babe.

myspace just dont do it.

hey. if youre here. then thanks for uh. reading this. i pretty much made this thing cuz i have too much shit on my mind. and since my bffffffff (no homo) cant keep shit to himself. im telling it to the world. which is kind of..redundant? i dno. but i got no one else to talk to, so if you're reading this, youll know all of my business. ahaha. damn. just dont give me shit for it when i talk to you ok? ok.

anywhooo..ever since how sweet, my life is on fucking lockdown. i got my fone taken away. im not allowed to use the internet. i cant go to ANYONE'S house. i cant even go out after school to eat anywhere. my fucking mom, who, before how sweet, wasnt able to get off work till after 530 and made me wait for so long in the parking lot, is now conveniently waiting for me in the parking lot at 430 everyday. its no problem now to pick me up i guess. i cant go out with the track team after meets either, like i normally do. everyone thinks im gonna go blaze or drop instead. cuz i would totally do that after a track meet. rite? the only reason im on the internet rite now is cuz i snuck a computer into my room and i have wireless internet. half an hour ago, my mom and dad walked in my room and discovered i have internet. this is the last nite ill have this computer. great. everyone in corona hates me again. well, the parents anyways. my mom has to call the whole fucking world when i sneak out you know? cuz she didnt know i snuck out to rave it with ian. im sure she didnt. she had to call everyone ELSE and make sure i wasnt there, and then proceed to tell them that i went to a rave and im doing drugs. thanks mom. what else..school is going semi okay..im doing my homework and shit. but theres only like 30 days left. wtf should i do it for..im going to missouri in september for college anyways. im pretty much accepted there. my cousin (who my parents think is god) was valedictorian or whatever. and she has hookups. and so they think its a good idea to ship me off to missouri. did you know st louis has a THRIVING rave scene? im still in love with dishani. not so sure about her with me. i think its cuz i havent seen her in 2 months. its not my fault i dont drive, and my friends dont wanna drive me all over the countryside to see her. it used to work before, but my friends saw that i was using them and um. yeah. so as of july 3rd, i wont see her at all until january. im sure she doesnt wanna keep me around. im just bracing myself for when she's finally gonna admit it. she told me she wanted me to wait. so i said ok. and now she said that were losing love for eachother. speak for yourself. shit. im tryna hitch a ride with someone. but i know he prolly hates me for using him too. but hopefully, he'll come through. and if your reading this bro. thanks a lot for everything. i know i use you, but it really does mean a lot when you do this kinda shit for me. thanks. anyways..im just waiting to see what happens between us. from the looks of it, its not gonna happen. i mean. she already has 1233809582907502 guys all over her nuts. who see her everyday. i dno. ill let you know what happens k? track is fucking tiring. yesterday, i was dead after the first part of the workout! wtf?? south hills this week. if we dont beat them, ima cut myself. ahaha. hopefully we can. i think we can. if we run smart. wish us luck! :)
many of my friends are starting to do drugs now. and its all they talk about. its ok if you use them guys. and its ok to talk about them. for a day. after that, it just gets annoying when you keep telling me how you were moving your head from side to side and it felt like a rocket ship. i heard you the first time. shut the fuck up and get over it. thats what happens when you do drugs. everyone already knows. find something else to talk about.
alrite well. im out for now. ill hit this thing back up when i can get a computer! ahaha.
peace out girl scout.
oh.
and i love you babe.